Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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