I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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