I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Who died my cat blue again?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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