Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
