Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
