hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
