Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
