I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
