Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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