why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
