Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
