I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
