so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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