Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.