did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just sucked dick on a ferry