I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten