I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.