Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.