Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need water and some morals