I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
