Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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