my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
