When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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