For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
whose parrot is this?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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