when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
