its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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