He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
