We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
