i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
