Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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