got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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