I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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