The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
