I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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