I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
