Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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