I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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