I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
there is puke in my bra ... again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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