Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im part way to drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
