He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
