Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
