The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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