I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
