I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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