True but thats because hes a fetus.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
