Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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