fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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