Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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