Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
