If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
