Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
