White coat. Heels.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shame - the story of my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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