Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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