if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
