thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You smell like stripper and shame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
