Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
