Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
