How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
