Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
