Can i not drive my cunt home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
