conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm having to shit out rocks
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