dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
