The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize