Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
