so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
