so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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