God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
