he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
