I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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