The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
