Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
