The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
