Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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