Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.